I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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