that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
