Cold hands, warm shart.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
