Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
