a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
