Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize