Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
