Will you blow on my dice?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
