Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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