Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You ruined the universe
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
