can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
