Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
