The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
