Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
