I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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