I accidentally burped into my bong.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
