Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
