Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the day after is always just damage control
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
