'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
