hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
