am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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