Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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