I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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