i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
