i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
