I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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