it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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