He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
