he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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