i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize