i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
