you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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