i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize