Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
