College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
