You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
