chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I wear drunk well.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
