Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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