I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
