That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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