he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
