Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
