I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
