i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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