i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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