So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize