I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
