she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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