You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
