We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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