This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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