finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
