The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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