I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
