Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
