I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
