you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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