I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
