where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I lost the right to judge tonight
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
