Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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