Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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