if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
