I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
