my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I didn't shave. On purpose
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize