he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
