I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
