I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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