Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
