We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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