What did we do last night that was yellow?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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