Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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