In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
