My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
