I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
