taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
