it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
