You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
