mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
