oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
